HEALTH
QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this
true?
A: Your
heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend
the lifeof
your car by driving it faster.
Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical
efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And
what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take
the water out of the fruity bit so you get even m! ore
of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you
have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two
to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not
listening....These days, foods are friedin vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for
you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little
soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a
muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger
stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you
crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the
best feel-good food around!!
Q: Is swimming good for your
figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure,
explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape
important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one
hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride"